Lelouch or Lulu
by Black Otaku Writer
Summary: Lelouch is back and has to choose to either live a life as Lulu or try to find who he really is, while Suzaku is determined to hold his mind and memories hostage. YAOI: No Likee, No Lookee! Rape and Suicide themes are lightly present.


**Title:** Lelouch or Lulu

**Rated:** M

**Chapter One:** Awake

**A/N:** So yeah, made a new fic, maybe need to update the others but my fickleness as a writer says otherwise. Oh and um...heads up, not my best work because I'm still in the rough stages. That, and suffering from insomnia...messes with my head and writing. Code Geass yaoi, next stop.

I opened my eyes slowly; everything about my body was in pain. More specifically my chest was in the most pain. I had to remember, had to try. But the pain was so unbearable. The light shone into my eyes causing me to pry them open even more. I groggily stood up. I was in a bed, covered in white sheets, and…naked. I groaned, my head was pounding. My eyes stung a little too.

"You're awake finally, took you some time though," a voice said from the door. I was in a big room, to large for only one person. The bed was a rather large canopy bed, big pillows, plushy mattress, almost a royalty set bed. The voice came from a boy, tall, athletic, and hard green eyes that glared into me. His name came easy to me.

"Suzaku."

"Good morning, you look well, sort of. Do you remember what happened, Lelouch?" Lelouch that was my name. He said it so coldly but my memories of him were a bit blurred. The only thing I saw in his eyes was the anger. Bits and pieces of images with his face flashed through my head, causing the pain to deepen.

"That's good, you can't remember yet. Makes me feel less guilty about what I'm about to do." Suzaku was walking closer to me, making me feel uncomfortable; the only thing clear in his eyes was hate. My instincts took over and I attempted to run away. Tried, to be more exact, but Suzaku was trained for combat, he knew how to cut off someone's means of escape. He pounced on my arms first, forced his weight over my legs, and lightly added pressure to the middle of my back causing so much pain to shoot through me that I froze.

"Stop trying to fight it Lelouch," he cooed.

"Get off me!" Suzaku chuckled into my ear and nipped it. A sudden sensation went through my body and I shivered. Suzaku must have been waiting for that reaction where he proceeded to keep nipping and licking my ear.

"Your reactions are so cute, Lelouch," he cooed again. He nipped my ear again and suddenly decided to flip me over. He bound my wrists together with the sheets and tied it to the bed post. It wasn't until he spread my legs open that I realized what was going to happen to me. Once my legs were spread open, I looked into the burning hate that infected his eyes told me what he was planning to do.

"Suzaku, stop it!"

"No, when I finally have you right where I want you." From the back of his pocket I saw him pull out a knife and a sharp pain entered into the palm of my hands. I screamed out in pain but Suzaku covered my screams with his mouth. Kissing my so roughly that my lips swelled. His hands slid in between my legs, finding my un-erected member, stimulating it until it was as hard as his. He kissed me again, sliding his tongue into my throat and biting my lips as he separated from me. I let out tiny moans that I couldn't control, panting like a dog in heat.

Suzaku licked the bottom of my chin and my neck, making sure that an array of hickeys would be there as he stroked me even harder, adding pressure as he did. He bit into my nipples causing them to bleed and I let out another moan of ecstasy. Then he stopped, completely and utterly stopped moving. The only sounds heard was my heavy panting and the light drool from my mouth that splashed onto the pillow cradling my head.

Suzaku stroked my cheek and slowly removed the knife from my hands, me lightly shrieking as he did. He licked the blood off of it and smirked. The hate that burned into his eyes was back again. He jammed two fingers into me and I let out another scream stifled by the force of his kiss. He moved them back and forth inside of me, scraping against my inner walls causing me to fidget and moan even more.

"You've gotten very wet down there, haven't you Lelouch? That must mean you want it, right?" Suzaku smirked again. With a sudden jerk I felt him enter my body with such force that I convulsed and hit the back of my head into the back of the bed.

The next few moments were agonizing. Pounding into me with each and every position he could think of. I'd never been entered by a man but the pain was sudden but Suzaku knew the inner workings of my body now, the pain dulled to pleasure. Pleasure I didn't want to feel but felt anyway. Moaning, groaning, begging for more, I felt disgusted with myself. The smell of blood and sweat filled my nose, until the smell of cum finally reared.

It was strange, having someone cum inside me. Not knowing what it felt like but I knew he was finished when he finally stopped moving after what seemed like days and kissed the tip of my shoulder before biting hard into it. He slipped out of me and left me exhausted on the bed.

"I'll see you for breakfast." He closed the door behind him as he left. Leaving me panting and exhausted on the bed. I did manage to remember something through the whole ordeal, Suzaku, he killed me.

* * *

><p>Suzaku closed the door quietly behind him. Rolo, Gino, and Anya staring at him.<p>

"What?" he growled.

"Oh nothing, usually when one spends all that money to keep a person from dying and we finally make some progress they try not to rape them and send them down a path of mental instability," Anya stated. Rolo and Gino blushed but they did agree with her.

"What I do with my things is my own business."

"Now he's a thing, that's quite interesting. Well, you certainly bashed his memories all to hell now. The rest of us don't really care what he does now. Come to think of it, when we talked to him we kind of like him better like this," Gino added.

"He's so timid now but no one will recognize him the way he is now," Rolo added as well.

"I don't care how he feels now, just get him ready for breakfast," Suzaku ordered.

"No one would recognize you now either."

"Just get him ready." The three sighed as they watched Suzaku leave down the hallway. Things certainly had changed since the time when Lelouch had snapped and forced Suzaku to kill him posing as Zero. The world had no more need of Zero and only a select amount of people knew who Suzaku really was. It was true that Suzaku killed Lelouch but some part of his body was still alive, enough to where it took two years of recovery and floating in a tank to restore the damage done to his body and mind.

Since then, most of the old team including some new members lived together at what had come to be known as The United Embassy. Everyone was here, supporting democracy and uniting the world together in an age of peace, free of stifling heritage racism. It was nice, nice enough to reintroduce Lelouch into society. Everyone knew the plan and knew how happy Nunnally would be. Those who had talked to Lelouch while he was still recovering knew he was far from the sadistic self he had become, he was back to being a child.

* * *

><p>A sudden knock on the door surprised me. Enough to where I was able to remotely loosen the tie around my wrists and fall to the ground, hiding behind the bed. I tried to crawl under it but it was no use, the pain from my hands made movement next to impossible. I was scared of what was going to happen next.<p>

The door slowly creaked open and I shakily looked over the mattress. There were three people looking around the room. Two girls and one man. The man was tall with an orange jacket and black pants, I remembered him as Jeremiah. The other two girls were known as Kallen and C.C. Kallen always seemed to have a glare on her face while C.C. was munching on something doughy and cheesy.

The three found me hiding behind the bed. I cringed at the mere thought of what was going to happen next to me but was shocked to feel Jeremiah's hand sift through my hair. It was long now, it reached down to the bottom of my butt and I now took notice of the bangs that were blocking most of my vision. C.C. crawled over to the bed and undid the tie around my wrists while Jeremiah and Kallen agreed that I needed a bath. The first thought I had was to run but with nowhere to go I crawled under the bed.

"Oh wow, he really did it. He's like a cat, don't you think?" C.C. asked, poking her head under the bed to look at me. Kallen sighed and told Jeremiah to get the bath ready.

"Come on Lelouch, we're friendly. No one here is going to hurt you, well…maybe Suzaku but the rest of us forgive you. Besides, your hands are bleeding and you're all sweaty. Don't you want to get cleaned up?" Kallen asked, she was trying to be nice. The bits and pieces I remembered about everyone weren't relatively bad but I wasn't afraid of them. It took a matter of coaxing but I finally got into the bath.

The bath was more like a hot springs and large. Jeremiah left me in the care of Kallen and C.C. as they helped me to scrub up. C.C. suggested that I get a haircut before dinner while Kallen brushed through my hair and ran some shampoo through it. I hoped that none of them figured out what had happened to me but Suzaku had left hickeys all over my body. Hiding them now would just look pathetic.

"You'd certainly pass as a girl," Kallen pointed out.

"You already had a womanly figure anyway a little bit of perfume, the right clothes, and no one would be able to tell you were Lelouch," C.C. added.

"What did I tell you about eating pizza in the bath?"

"You finish with him and we'll get his outfit ready," the two said in unison. I looked over to my left and noticed Jeremiah. He had a set of towels ready for us. Kallen told me to stay in the bath and soak while Jeremiah got in, he waved goodbye to the two and sat next to me on one of the seats that had been built inside the bath.

"Lelouch, everyone is going to know you as Lulu now. Only a handful of people will call you Lelouch but to the rest of the world you'll be Lulu, understand?" I nodded as he finished rinsing the shampoo out of my hair and began working in the conditioner. "I also know what Suzaku did, only a few people know. Lelouch, if it's all right you're going to have to let me clean the rest of you."

His voice was gentle and I knew what he was asking. This was going to be the most embarrassing moment and the lowest I would feel in forever.

We made it back to the room, I was still dripping wet and Jeremiah told me to wear the towel like a girl would. Sitting on the bed was a long sleeved blouse and a ruffled skirt complete with sandals. The blouse was white while the skirt was a deep purple. I sighed and put the clothes on, searching around the room for some underwear to wear at least.

"Are you looking for these?" Suzaku closed the door behind me as he held out a pair of blue briefs.

"Y-Yes." My eyes looked down and stared at the floor. I could hear him walk closer to me. When I looked up again he was now in front of my face, the sudden shock caused me to fall onto the bed. I could see that the sheets had been replaced.

"Are you scared of me now? Is that it, Lelouch?" Suzaku asked, still walking closer to me. Now I stared at the ceiling and Suzaku, he stroked a finger across my lip and gently kissed me. Another knock on the door and Suzaku lifted himself off of me, it was C.C.

"Two rapings in one day? Wow Suzaku, you certainly have some energy," she teased.

"I just stopped by to say hi. See you two at breakfast. Lelouch, you should sit next to me." He closed the door leaving me alone with C.C.

"You going to just hold those are wear them?" I was still holding the brief's that I had gotten from Suzaku. My face turned red and C.C. laughed. She sat next to me and told me I looked really pretty.

"Don't worry Lelouch, you'll be just fine." Lelouch, my name, and Lulu, my name as well. I wondered which name was the real me.

**A/N:** I made a new fic, yeah me. I watched Code Geass and I noticed so many hot characters walking around. Before I knew it I had a complete story line. I don't know what is up with me and rape lately…damn you Law & Order: SVU…damn you to heck. Allright, update soon…I promise. Tell me what ya think, what ya want to see, it's a work in progress. I usually have better format but the rush of trying to get this done made me think less about formatting and a complete thought process. I am also looking for a BETA READER! If you know anyone then give them my name...only requirement: liking yaoi is a must in this situation.


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